Drowning sorrows
by Zexalloverforever39
Summary: Rin's lost all hope he could ever find, his friends have abandoned him after the revelation of his demonic powers, his brother has no need to cover for him anymore and it's all just too much for Rin to take, pretending everything's all right when in reality he's just drowning in his own sorrows.


**Zexal-chan: Hey guys, guess I finally made it in the Blue/Ao no Exorcist fandom. Please take care of me! This is my first time writing angst so sorry if it's really crappy-**

 **Rin: All your stories are crappy you-**

 **Zexal-chan: you realise this is my fic and I have power over you and I can twist the world as you knew it like Bon turning into a rooster, or your 'princess' dying, but for now just do the disclaimers**

 **Rin *grumbling: Fine, Zexal-chan doesn't own me or my story, that belongs to Kazue Kāto, and she probably doesn't own this idea either-*looks at list*- Huh? Why would they need to? What's going on in this story? All right fine Zexal-chan wants you to know that there are suicide attempts, depression etc. And doesn't want people to be triggered, so just putting that out there. Oh well, let's get on**

 **aO nO eXoRcIsT**

Attempting to get through a normal day at True Cross Academy was beginning to prove extremely difficult for Rin, the exorcist classes, even more so. Everyone had completely avoided him since finding out he was a demon, and honestly Rin couldn't take it anymore. Predominantly it was the hardest thing for him to try and do, pretend all was right in the world when everyone he had upmost faith in stared at him as if he would set fire on them at any second. Once upon a time he would've been able to confide Yukio, his younger brother was the world to him, but know Yukio must've realised, Rin's secret was out he probably figured he had no reason to protect Rin any more besides all of was just because of his promise to their father all those years ago. That's what Rin kept telling himself every night as he replayed the harsh subliminal words of his classmates and and former friends, letting the weight fall upon his shoulders and create harsh deep wounds mentally just like they had hearing them in person.

But the hardest. Bon. That boy who had once been so determined on letting Rin know he could accept help from his ' _friends_ ' was now treating Rin as if he were some sort of vile and dangerous animal, a monster capable of suddenly snapping and killing them all in an instant. This was what he had wanted to know wasn't it? Granted he hadn't found out the way Rin had hoped for but wasn't he also the one who had once told Rin that friends should be there for each other? Wasn't he the one who told him all of that?

Maybe Bon had been _lying_? Or perhaps, perhaps Rin's secret was so horrific, so _earth-shattering_ that all the latter had previously stated about their friendship had become completely void and now Bon was acting as if he had never uttered a thing about them being friends, as if the word was completely foreign when describing what was now their ' _relationship_ '. Once again, pretending Rin was alright with this newfound situation was proving almost worse than he himself found out he was a demon.

" OKUMURA!" He snapped out and immediately turned his head to Yukio, of course, since his secret was out he had no reason to pretend to be nice, although for the most part it was also Rin's fault for zoning out and not paying attention, but the added stress of his emotions buzzing frantically like a herd of coal tars and the conspicuous whispers and murmurs of his class, Rin couldn't help himself.

Yukio stared at him, his face contorted to an expression beyond pissed, staring at him with an expression full of utter rage as he shouted out at Rin some random crap that he tuned out as he looked straight into his teal eyes.

 _Why? Why me? Why am I the one who people fear and not Yukio? We're both the sons of Satan aren't we, so why am I the one treated like a freak and he isn't?_

-" RIN, DID YOU EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO ANYTHING I SAID," Yukio bellowed, surprising all the rest of class, who all, well except for Takara, fearfully watched Rin expecting him to suddenly explode and set the classroom alight. What he did next surprised them.

Rin stood up, his bangs covering the tears threatening to slip from his eyes and with clenched teeth he muttered," Yukio, can I please be excused from class for a bit?

As much as it pained him to speak so different, so foreign to his usual self, that was all that came to mind at that moment.

Looking up ever so slightly and discretely he could se Yukio's face morph from annoyance into confusion as he began to stammer,

"Uh," Yukio was beginning to say looking as surprised as he did that day he'd found the monastery in ruins.

"Please?" Rin asked, with an obvious strain in his voice as he barely paid attention to what he himself was saying.

" Okay," Yukio said beginning to recover from his surprise," just a second I need-"

Yukio hadn't even finished his sentence before Rin was already out of the door, clenching his fists in a raging emotion that he couldn't put a finger on but still made his tears begin to drip, hot like coal.

He hadn't got very far, just outside the bathroom, when his anger took over and he punched the wall as hard as could, even harder than from that fight with Amaimon, the cause of his current situation and the bane of his life at True Cross, there was a roaring pain in his knuckles and he looked over to a large amount of torn skin and oozing blood, strangely it felt pleasant, but not for long as his healing abilities took over and left nothing but a light jagged line and the blood around him as proof of anything ever being there, that was when a realisation finally dawned upon him, as the tears kept slipping.

 _He was crying from sadness._

By then it was already too late as he slumped down wallowing himself in despair as he knew, emotions were a dangerous thing, able to shift within a split second and so very fragile.

That's how he felt at that moment so very broken and fragile. He shouldn't be feeling this way, right? He's a demon, demons shouldn't have emotions and feelings, that's something for humans, emotions and feelings, isn't it?

The tears were cascading down now, and hotter as Rin picked himself up and made his way to his and Yukio's dorm, he needed to numb this emotional pain somehow, he contemplated going to Mephisto but quickly dismissed it, this was something he wanted to on his own, he just couldn't do it anymore, and so, upon reaching their dorm, he stirred enough energy to drag himself in and planned out what to say if Kuro if he were to ask, sure of enough Kuro was there alarmed at first to see the door opening but calmed down slightly once he saw that it was Rin.

" _What's the matter Rin_?" Kuro softly spoke, feeling the uneasiness that surrounded Rin

" _I'm fine Kuro, I just don't feel so good, so don't worry too much about me, kay,_ " Rin murmured in a hushed tone, stroking his head, not wanting to frighten the poor little demon," _Kuro_ ," he softly spoke in his head," _when I'm gone, I want Konekomaru to look after you, it's the least I can do after what happened to his family,"_

Feeling like it was time, Rin stood up and said," _I'm heading up to the roof for a bit, I'll be down soon_ ," as he began to go, he turned and said," _I really love ya' little guy, don't forget tha_ t," before turning around and leaving a confused Kuro behind.

On the roof, Rin began to say some mental goodbyes," _Yukio, thanks for being there for me until now, even if you probably only did it cos' of the old man, it really helped me out_ ," then he moved to Shiemi," _Thanks for not running away, well after that moment, thanks for letting me be there and help you_ ," tears were beginning to form on his face again as he went to Shima," _thanks for sticking around, attempting to make small talk when nobody would, but I guess you just gave up, either way you're still not on my cool list_ ," tears were slipping freely now as he said goodbye to Shura," _I'm sorry Shura, you wanted to train me to handle my flames, but I went and fucked it up, at least now you can train a better cause than me_ ," falling on his knees, Rin went to Konekomaru,"As much as you won't believe it, you're a lot stronger than me, don't live in fear, use that fear to move on and be a stronger person, I would do the same, but it's too late for me, I'm a lost cause." Then came the hardest person.

Bon.

" _Bon, there's a lot of things I still needed to ask you, weren't you the one who told me I was your friend, to turn you and rely on you more? So where were you when I needed you the most? You were standing a mile away from looking down at me like a was the scum of the Earth, so my final word to you are, was it all a lie?"_

And with that Rin looked up at the sky almost as blue as his brothers eyes and whispered," _I'm ready to go_."

He slowly unsheathed the kurikara, wondering how many stabs it would need to work, as he brought the sword closer his life started playing like a movie, all the good memories and the bad, some making him chuckle and others making him cry as without any regrets, he closed his eyes and stabbed kurikara right in his heart, falling down as he cried a single tear and whispered," I really am a demon after all, then he closed his eyes and let darkness take over

 **aO nO eXoRcIsT**

Kuro was beginning to feel uneasy, Rin said he would be back from the roof soon and it had been a whole two hours, deciding to check up on Rin and see if he was okay he went on up to the roof only to be blasted by the strong smell of metallic blood. Mortified, Kuro ran down and mewled as loud as he could for help, cursing himself for being too small to reach the handle.

After dismissing everyone from class, Yukio slumped down at his desk, he hadn't meant to snap at Rin like that, nor had he meant to say everything he had said, but the look on his face as he spoke just pained Yukio mentally and he instantly regretted everything he said to Rin, he admitted that he came off a little brash and harsh, but the past week had been stressful and a large spike in demon activity in top being the cram school teacher, but never in his mind would he have imagined to take it out on Rin, he decided to pay a visit before his meeting, see how he was doing, perhaps he could also tell everybody in class to give him a break, after all, Rin was probably taking it the hardest having to get used to being avoided again just like when they younger.

Having reached the door to their dorm, Yukio was surprised to hear a frantic mewling noise

," _Perhaps Rin forgot to feed Kuro and went to sleep_ ," Yukio tried to tell himself, but he couldn't shake off that strange feeling of uneasiness in the back of his mind, opening the door, he saw Kuro look relived for a split second as he began to mewl again, praying that Yukio could attempt to decipher what he was saying.

," _YUKIO, IT'S RIN, HE WENT TO THE ROOF AGES AGO AND WHEN I WENT I SMELT BLOOD_!"

Fortunately Yukio had managed to decipher a broken understanding of what Kuro was saying and having a mental freak out he thanked the cat legging it to the roof, gasping as he saw.

His older brother, lying on the roof, blood everywhere, kurikara sticking out of his chest, but worst of all his expression,

he had been crying.

His poor cracking soul had finally broken.

 **aO nO eXoRcIsT**

 **Zexal-chan: And that's a wrap, Jesus that went deep, I didn't expect to write that much**

 **Rin *staring agape: I have no words**

 **Zexal-chan:Uh, Rin y'all right there?**

 **Rin: I'm fine, just a little shook, I may have a long chat with Yukio, make him some sashimi. See ya later!**

I think I've scared him a little! Anywho, if you liked this please favourite and/or review I love getting reviewes, I'm open for constructive criticism and any flames will be extinguished and laughed upon.

Ja ne little kitsunes


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